Monday, September 8, 2014

Elvis Has Left the Big Box

This photo was found on www.biography.com

For years now we have shopped at the big box wholesale stores. 6 monkeys + two parents + people who are crazy enough to visit us + random animals = a hunka, hunka box store love. I mean, where else can you buy a case of Ramen Noodles big enough to feed a college student for all four years? 

"Shopping" is actually the wrong verb. "Schlepping" is more like it. Anytime you go to a store to pick up lunch supplies and come out with a 5 pound jar of peanut butter, a six pack of sliced bread, a crate of bananas (or enough supplies to feed an army of Elvises or is it Elvi?) and a giant inflatable jack-o-latern you are schlepping not shopping. 

And really? Who uses that much spray starch besides maybe an Elvis impersonator in Vegas? 

But seriously, it's not all bad. Some gigantic quantities of certain products are actually helpful. Big box shopping has it's pros and cons. Let's take a look:

1. Pro: A half ton of liquid laundry soap? With mountains of laundry accumulating on the daily? That works for me. 
Con:  Lifting that half ton container of liquid laundry detergent to fill that tiny measuring cup makes me feel like a female body builder competing in a clean and jerk competition. 

2.  Pro: 1000 rolls of toilet paper at pennies per roll.
Con:  Finding a place to store 1000 rolls of toilet paper upon bringing them home. "Hey kids! Forget Legos! We've got some toilet paper rolls for you to play with!" "And tonight, you can snuggle with them at bedtime!" 

3. Pro: 50 boxes of whole wheat pasta. Yes! Spaghetti forever!!! 
Con:  Spaghetti Forever!!!

4.  Pro: A 12 pack of Febreeze assures that your house will never stink. 
Con : It could also assure you that there will be a hole the size of Texas in the ozone layer above your house.

5.  Pro:  200!!! Now that's a ton of tampons! 
Con: 200? That's also a constant reminder of your "special time of the month ". Heck, you could even do a an
advent-like  count down calendar with with a tampon behind each numbered door leading up to "P-Day".

6. Pro: That 800 count of newborn diapers will be so useful...
Con: Until your newborn out grows them by the end of the first week and you are left with 500 newborn diapers. 

Ah, Big Box shopping! How I love and simultaneously hate you so. If it weren't for the double packs of Nutella I would have left you long ago.

Hugs,

Melissa




Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Faces


Times when I make ridiculous faces:

1. While applying mascara (I look like I am about to sing in a demented opera.)

2. While spoon feeding a baby (I look a Goldfish burping.)

3. While tweezing my eyebrows (I look like a creepier version of "The Scream ")

4. While meeting someone or a group of someones for the first time (I look like my smile is plotting a hostile takeover of my face.)

5. While reading the menu on the wall at a fast food restaurant (I look like I am constipated.)

6. While smiling (My eyes disappear. It's all nose and refer to #4.)

7.  While driving (I alternate between looking like a spider monkey- "Stay in your own lane!" and confused Asian woman - "What does that street sign say?" )

8. While concentrating (I purse my lips like a duck, but not the sexy duck face from selfies, which has always confused me because DUCKS ARE NOT SEXY!)

9. While confused (Hostile scrunchy forehead takeover of entire face accompanied by squinty eyes and flattened nose. It's like a Winston Churchhill, Margaret Cho, Mike Tyson mash up.)

10. While singing (please refer to #2 and #5)

11. While crying (Think Golam)

12. While waking up (Think confused mole. The animal, not the skin thingy which grosses me out)

13. While grossed out (Think Billy Idol lip curl meets wide-eyed Valley Girl)

14. While tired (I look like a Shar-pei. My facial muscles just give up, gravity prevails)
 
Hugs,

Melissa

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

I Read This Stinkin' Article and Now My Eyelashes are Flat


I'm a researcher. I research. I research things like, "How to keep your house looking good if you clean it once a month or never?" or "If I eat ice cream for every meal, will I still be meeting the basic nutrition guidelines set forth by the FDA?" 

Recently, I researched "How to apply your make up so that you look younger." That's when all heck broke loose! Did you know that as you age, your eyelashes lose their natural wave? That's right folks. Your eyelashes basically go flat! How's that for a bit of fun trivia on Labor Day? #gravity! #firstworlddrama

So, being the feisty and passionate person that I am about anything that might present itself as a challenge to me (or you could say that I'm slightly obsessive-compulsive), I have decided that I will not, I repeat, I will NOT allow my eyelashes to get lazy. I am on a quest. On a quest to find the ultimate gravity defying mascara. Please join me and give props to your favorite mascara here or on my Facebook page. Because really, flat eyelashes = no fun. 

And if you're one of those Super Duper fortunate people that has curly eyelashes that look good without mascara, well, thank your mama, your daddy, and God because you are blessed. But do yourself a favor, don't read articles about "how to apply make up so that you look younger" because you might find out that as you age you also accumulate other types of facial hair. Oh yeah, those luscious curly eyelashes look great and all, but did you happen to see that straight wiry chin hair? 

Hugs,

Melissa

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

White Wolf Cafe



White Wolf Cafe is an eclectic eatery in the heart of the Ivanhoe Antique Row in downtown Orlando. Just about everything, from the swanky chandeliers hanging on the ceiling to the antique plates lining the china cabinets is for sale. The owner of Whitewolf Cafe will also buy antiques from his customers. The whole place is a feast for the eyes!


But there's also a culinary feast that awaits you as soon as you walk into the café. Their breakfast and brunch has been declared one of Orlando's finest, and I am here to tell you that their truffle oil potato chips loaded with lobster and bacon are out of this world! 



And bonus! All of the tables are made of reclaimed marble from the floor of the former Orlando City Hall. You know, the building that was featured exploding in Lethal Weapon? That's Lethal Weapon I not Lethal Weapon II or IV. And that's back when Mel Gibson was a hunk. Wait! Mel Gibson is still a hunk. 

Hugs,

Melissa


Monday, August 18, 2014

School Has Started.


School has started. Uniforms replace bathing suits.  Impromptu lunches grabbed between play dates have given way to lunch boxes planned and packed the night before (or frantically the morning of) school days.  Summer light is fading and changing.  Bedtimes are required not suggested.  School has started.


Homer and homework, Latin and loose teeth, new tennis shoes and Transcendentalism, Plato and play dough.  A Kindergartener, a Fourth Grader, a Freshman, a Junior and a College Girl. School has started.


Has school started in your neck of the woods?

Hugs,

Melissa

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Kiss Me in New Glarus!




New Glarus is a tiny Swiss town located in southern Wisconsin.  We took a little day trip there. Pete's dad is full-blooded Swiss so the day proved to be fun! 




The highlight of the day was when we stopped and had fondue at the New Glarus Hotel. Did you know that Swiss tradition says if you drop your bread in the fondue pot you'll have to kiss the person to your right? 


Let's just say that prompted some bread dropping :-)



Fun times!

Swiss treats, kisses, and lots of laughter made the day amazing!




Hugs,

Melissa 


Thursday, July 24, 2014

A Nod to Norway

There is a special tiny town in Wisconsin that owes a corner of my heart. Stoughton!  

 
Stoughton was founded in 1847 by Luke Stoughton, and settled by many immigrants from Norway by the early 1900's.


I love the downtown shops and cafés that run from the opera house at the top of a hill all the way down to the Yahara River. 



We love to sample (and buy) various cheeses and sausages from Cheesers (
http://www.cheesers.com). Spicy cheeses, stinky cheeses, chocolate cheese, and squeaky cheese curds! 




Stoughton claims to be the birthplace of the "coffee break". Let me tell you, with made from scratch eateries like The Koffee Kup and Fosdal's Bakery, I believe the claim! 



Everywhere you look in Stoughton there are nods to Norway. 



Even the toy shop has a Viking at the helm! 




We enjoy Stoughton every time we visit Wisconsin.

Hugs,

Melissa