The House Next Door

Dear Friends, 

Please use caution when reading this post, it covers very sensitive subject matter and it is NOT appropriate for children. Thank you!

The House Next Door

Choking dust hangs heavy in the air with every step she takes toward the house next door.  The sun so bright it blinds.  The humidity oppressive. She reaches the front door and stops, staring blankly.  In a normal world, stepping into the cool shelter of a house on a scorching hot day would be a welcome relief, but her world is anything but normal.  Stepping into the house next door is like stepping into hell itself.  She is five years old.

Images hang heavy in her little mind of a dimly lit family room with curtains drawn to hide the horror.  The sleeper sofa bed open, sheets disheveled.  T.V blaring a soap opera, totally inappropriate for a child to be watching.  Then again nothing in the house next door is appropriate.  Not the death veil of cigarette smoke, not the filthy floors, and certainly not The Man sitting in the corner playing a "tickle game" with another little girl. 

A painting of Jesus hangs on the shadowy walls.  Jesus is knocking on a door.  His eyes are kind and welcoming.  In stark contrast, to the "lady" of the house next door.  She looks at the little girl, her eyes full of scorn.  The woman's accusing stare makes the child feel ashamed, but she doesn't seem to know why.  This is her babysitter. 

Her mother is working all night. She has to stay at the house next door. She certainly can not stay alone and she is too young to watch over her younger sister.  The Babysitter behaves differently when the little girl's mommy is around.  She is kind and clean.  She brings the girls cakes on their birthdays.  She lets the girls and their mom pick fresh fruits and vegetables from her garden, but at night the little girl has nightmares about The Babysitter chasing her out of the garden accusing her of stealing. 

The Man from the house next door is a smoker of Pall Mall cigarettes.  His breath smells of snuff and chewing tobacco.  Shirtless and sweaty he spends most of his days watching television and yelling at his wife, The Babysitter. He is fat and she is obese.  They eat fat back and their house reeks of old grease. She insists that the little girl help her put curlers in her hair.  Her scalp is spongy and her hair is oily. 

At night, the sofa bed is waiting for the little girl to snuggle in, but she is is ushered to the bedroom that The Man and The Babysitter share.  There are separate beds.  The little girl wants to sleep with her sister, but The Babysitter will not allow it.  She says that they will keep each other awake.  Every night, she scowls at the child and tells her to get in the other bed.  The Man is in that bed.  The little girl is five years old.  She does not know what is happening to her every night at the house next door.  

As time goes on, she does not understand what is happening to her in the daytime either. What she does understand is that she had better keep her mouth shut.  The Man has convinced her that if she says anything to anyone, he will do horrible things to her, her sister and her mom.  She is terrified because he lives at the house next door  And so, she plays along with the farce.  She begins to to get used to her surroundings.  After all, she is now six and she has been in survival mode long enough now that she has adapted somehow. The Babysitter is cruel, harsh and jealous of the little girl. While The Man is kind and defends the child.  She depends on him to protect her.  It is a warped, disgusting game of manipulation they have created in the house next door.   The little girl is caught in a web spun by a molester and his mistress. 

The year the little girl is to turn seven, an epiphany happens one quiet weekend afternoon.  The little girl's sister says something that catches their mother's attention.  The little girl's sister knows something that a little girl her age should not know.  And suddenly the little girl finds her voice and then there is light.  All the ugly wickedness comes rushing out from the darkness and into the light. Enough to drown someone if they aren't holding on for dear life.  

That poor mom!  You see, she was taken advantage of by the false kindness of a pretender during a very fragile and vulnerable time in her life. She rode many waves in the days and years to come.  Waves of grief, anger, guilt, fear and regret.

 And the little girl?  Well, let's just say she is still a work in progress, but she no longer lives in hell.  In fact, she has found much healing and restoration for her soul in her strong faith in Christ. 

That little girl is now a grown woman. She remembers that out of place painting from the house next door.  The one with the kind eyed Jesus, knocking at the door.  He has knocked at her heart's door and she has let Him in.  The Great Comforter has soothed her and given her the strength to say, "It is well with my soul."

Hugs, 

Melissa

This and That - Weekend Edition

Ahoy, mateys!  It's the weekend and whew this has been one BIG week!  It's time to kick back and enjoy.

We had several celebrations this past week.  Lots of family time and fun!

Our Mother's Day Tea was a success!  What a beautiful event!  I loved our time together as women and look forward to sharing our gratitude journals throughout the coming months (more on that project next week).

Then, our oldest monkey had the surprise of his life!  A 21st birthday bash with all of his childhood and college friends!  His sweet girl, organized the whole event.  We had a blast!  There was karaoke, a photo booth, a dessert table to end all dessert tables, and great conversations.

Finally, we had a wonderful visit with Pete's mom and dad.  We always love it when they are here and we miss them already.

So now, its time to relax and clean this house of ours.  I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend.  I will be back next Wednesday.  Pete and I have a little celebrating to do!

Hugs, 

Melissa 

P.S.  I am loving all the great feedback this week here on the blog and Facebook.  If you are a new reader,  welcome!  If you have been with us for a while, thank you!  You are the reason why I enjoy blogging so much.  I feel like we have a little community forming here.  Feel free to invite your friends!  The more the merrier! 

Holding On Like a Monkey

Lately, I have been plagued with a vague restlessness.  Something is not quite right in my soul.  I have been reflecting on the past an awful lot.  I am actually naturally wired to be a reflector.  It drives my crazy, but it does have its advantages.  Usually, when I reflect on life and my past experiences, it helps me with the present, the here and now.  When I think about the toughest and most trying times in my life or about the poor decisions that I have made, it makes me catch my breath a bit, but it also makes me thankful.  Grateful that I have learned so much from "those" times and decisions.  The bad has helped shape the good.  And still there are regrets...they linger, they poke, they nag, boy, do they nag.

While reading with the monkeys today, we came across something that made me perk up my ears.  It came from a book called God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew.  In the book, there is a story told about how the natives in Indonesia catch monkeys in the jungle.  Here is an excerpt from the story:

"The natives know that a monkey will never let go of something he wants even if it means losing his freedom. So here's what they do. They take a coconut and make a hole in one end just big enough for the monkey's paw to slip through. Then they drop a pebble into the hole and wait in the bushes with a net. "

"Sooner or later a curious old fellow will come along.  He'll pick up that coconut shell and rattle it. He'll peer inside.  And then at last he'll slip his hand into the hole and feel around until he gets hold of that pebble. But when he tries to bring it out, he finds that he cannot get the paw through the hole without letting go. That monkey will never let go of what he thinks is a prize.  It is the easiest thing in the world to catch a fellow who acts like that."

This story resounded in my heart today.  I found myself wondering if the regrets that I hold on to are holding me back from freedom?  Like a monkey, I have a hold of that pebble and I just can't seem to let it go.  I wonder if the monkey were given another alternative, perhaps another pebble or a banana or something, if he would let go of that "prize" pebble he covets so and gain his freedom?  I have been given another alternative.  I know Christ and His love for me.  His sacrifice for me. I know that I am set free from those past decisions and choices that caused heartache.  Yet, there are times when I relapse into regret.  I just need to learn to let go of that pebble. Sometimes it's a daily struggle. 

And you, friends?  Are there "pebbles" that you have trouble letting go of?

Hugs, 

Melissa

The Writing on the Wall

Yesterday, as I was powdering my nose, I noticed something on the wall of our guest bathroom. It was a precious drawing done in the loveliest shade of brown colored pencil. I took a picture of the little masterpiece and texted it to Pete who was at the park with Little Monkey. I asked him to ask our youngest monkey child if he was the artist.

Little Monkey said that he indeed was the artist and that the picture was actually a sign with a message to all the patrons of the guest bathroom. When Pete inquired what the sign said, Little Monkey told him that it said, "Only two people are allowed to use the potty at the same time." Hmmm...

Either our little guy is totally into efficiency or he is lamenting the lost days of potty training when we spent quite a few hours a day together in the bathroom. Either way, rest assured that if you come to our house we will NOT require you to utilize the loo in two's

Ah, the mind of a preschooler!

Hugs,

Melissa

From Uterus to University - Putting the Brakes on Dates

This post will be controversial.  Okay, you have been warned.

I had my first "boyfriend" when I was in the fifth grade.  We even kissed one day after school. Fifth grade! By the time I was in junior high school, I had regular "make out" sessions with a guy who I was "dating".  My freshman year in high school, I lost my virginity.  I was fifteen years old!  Fifteen!!! In no way, shape or form was I ready for the emotional mess that I was making of my life.  I was dishonoring myself, my parents, and God.  Too young and immature to realize that "love" is not found in the backseat of a car or in the warm fuzzy feelings of holding hands walking down the school halls.

In my quest to love and be loved, I began a down hill spiral of dating guys, giving away more and more of myself emotionally and physically.  I was convinced that I needed a boyfriend to be a complete person.

My high school sweetheart and I were committed to each other.  I followed him to college, we lived together.  There was nothing left to the imagination. We dated for five years and vowed to be together forever.  "Forever" ended the summer before my senior year in college when he broke off our engagement. My life came crashing down around me.  I was broken.  I attempted for months after the break up to mend myself.  More guys, more loss. As I scraped and scrambled to pick up the pieces, I found that I did not even know who I was.  For years, I had received a large part of my identity from the guys I dated.  I did not know how to be alone.  I did not know who I was. I was twenty-two years old and utterly lost.

In the years that have followed, I have discovered my true self. I have learned tremendous lessons in love and self sacrifice by being a wife and mother.  I have also developed convictions as a parent about what is beneficial for our children.  Pete and I both feel like our life stories, the good and bad chapters can be used as teaching tools for us and our children.  We are not perfect and we know that our kids are not perfect, they make mistakes and they will continue to, but we are here to point them in the correct direction whenever possible.

Pete and I both feel strongly that our kids should not date until they are in college.  College?  Yes, college.  I know that this sounds radical, but it is our opinion that middle school and high school kids are not ready to date.  Let's face it, kids that age are hormonal.  They are naturally attracted to the opposite sex and that is normal, but why fuel the hormonal fire?  Most kids that age are not self-controlled or mature enough to handle a relationship with the opposite sex beyond a friendship.

So friendship is what we encourage. What more do they need from their peers at this age than to work on developing strong, solid friendships?  Isn't that important training ground for the future serious relationships that could lead to marriage?

Kids need to be able to grow, develop and discover who they are without getting lost in someone else.  Kids need to be able to concentrate on their spiritual, emotional, mental and social development, their family relationships, and their school work without the distraction of a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The way we see it, there will be plenty of time for our kids to date when they are ready.  College is a great place to start.  Although, I will say that waiting until at least the second semester of their freshman year in college seems to be a better time to date. That way, they have made it through the first semester adjustment period.  Even in college though, dating should be a carefully thought out endeavor, because really, if you are not ready for a commitment, then what is the point of getting into a romantic relationship?

I want to say that my parents raised me right.  They tried to instill sound moral values into me. The bottom line here is that we as parents can try to help our kids and try to give them the right tools to navigate life; however, our kids are going to make choices that are not the best from time to time.  Our hope that is that our kids will only make those mistakes from time to time and not all the time.

Two great resources on this subject are:  I Kissed Dating Goodbye  and When Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris.

Hugs,

Melissa

This and That - Mother's Day Edition

Hello Friday!  So glad that you are here.  Happy Mother's Day to all the moms, grandmas, aunts and all the special ladies who invest in the lives and hearts of their families everyday.

My Mother's Day present came a few days early.  On Thursday night, our middle monkey boy attended prom with his sweet gal pal.  They were so cute all dressed up!  The best part (and a true gift to me) was when our monkey opened the car door for his friend.  I was all teared up and so proud.  You see the boy is learning how to be a gentleman.  I guess that we are doing something right around here.  Now, if we could only get him to clean his room.

Enjoy the weekend all!

Hugs,

Melissa

The Juice, the Whole Juice, and Nothing But the Juice

For the past two weeks, I have been consuming nothing but pure fruit and vegetable juices and a few raw almonds here and there. Sound crazy?  Radical?  Unhealthy? Like the latest "fad"? Read on to find out how juicing has made me a new person.  Well, not really, but it sure has made me feel better.

This whole juicing thing started back a few weeks ago when Pete and I watched a documentary called, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead".  You can watch it for free on Hulu. This film documents an Australian man named Joe on his quest to get healthy.  He travels the United States juicing and telling people about his mission.  As a result of Joe's dramatic transformation, other people end up getting involved in the juice fast and have health transformations of their own.  It is a really powerful documentary and it got Pete and I thinking about our health.

At our last check up, we both had higher than desirable cholesterol levels.  My weight was also, um, higher than desirable. Now, I have been exercising consistently for a year now.  In fact, this week is my year anniversary of being a YMCA member.  I love Zumba and lifting weights.  Somehow though, with all the exercising and trying to eat right I have not quite managed to get where I need to be health wise.  So, when we saw the documentary, Pete and I thought that we should research it some more and give it a try.

We went to the "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" website and read up on all the details of doing a juice fast.  On the website, there are very good recipes and helpful hints on the best juicers to purchase.  We bought a basic model Breville juicer.  I really like this juicer.  It's the most bang for the buck.

I would not recommend doing a juice fast until you speak with your physician.  We started our fast with the intent of going for 10 days.  Days 1 - 4 really sucked.  Like really.  Pete realized that he had to modify the juice fast by adding in other small meals throughout the day.  I realized just how addicted to food I am.  Like seriously, seriously addicted.  I was hurting.  I had a headache, body aches, chills and a slight fever.  I was detoxing from all the crap that I have put in my body over the years. After Day 4, I began to feel so much better.  I was having a 16 ounce glass of fresh juice 5 - 6 times a day. My energy levels starting rising, my body starting feeling really strong. No more aches of any kind. Then, I noticed that the weight was sliding off and I got really excited!  By Day 10, I had decided to go further with the fast.  My last day is tomorrow.  I will break my 15 day juice fast at dinner time.  By that time, I will have lost 4 inches from around my waist, 10 pounds, and a lot of junky build up from my body.  I am sleeping better, my skin looks clearer, my mind is sharper, and I feel really great! Most importantly, I w have learned something crucial about myself.  I can have will power around food.  Food is not my master.

Now, does this mean that I won't ever have french fries, ice cream or the awesome Lobster BLT that S.C. posted about. Absolutely not.  I LOVE food and I WILL eat it!  It's just how and when I will eat the foods that are near and dear to my heart (and stomach).  Moderation is the key here.  It's all about making healthier choices.  Like, actually eating vegetables and fruits, instead of just thinking about eating them.

Would I recommend this juice fast lightly? No.  It is really tough.  Especially when you are cooking and food shopping for monkeys, attending parties with very yummy looking and smelling treats, and all the other food bombardment that occurs here on a daily basis.  However, if you are fat, sick and nearly dead, you and your doctor might want to check into this whole juice thing.

Hugs,

Melissa