1. While applying mascara (I look like I am about to sing in a demented opera.)
2. While spoon feeding a baby (I look a Goldfish burping.)
3. While tweezing my eyebrows (I look like a creepier version of "The Scream ")
4. While meeting someone or a group of someones for the first time (I look like my smile is plotting a hostile takeover of my face.)
5. While reading the menu on the wall at a fast food restaurant (I look like I am constipated.)
6. While smiling (My eyes disappear. It's all nose and refer to #4.)
7. While driving (I alternate between looking like a spider monkey- "Stay in your own lane!" and confused Asian woman - "What does that street sign say?" )
8. While concentrating (I purse my lips like a duck, but not the sexy duck face from selfies, which has always confused me because DUCKS ARE NOT SEXY!)
9. While confused (Hostile scrunchy forehead takeover of entire face accompanied by squinty eyes and flattened nose. It's like a Winston Churchhill, Margaret Cho, Mike Tyson mash up.)
10. While singing (please refer to #2 and #5)
11. While crying (Think Golam)
12. While waking up (Think confused mole. The animal, not the skin thingy which grosses me out)
13. While grossed out (Think Billy Idol lip curl meets wide-eyed Valley Girl)
14. While tired (I look like a Shar-pei. My facial muscles just give up, gravity prevails)
Hugs,
Melissa
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