Holding On Like a Monkey

Lately, I have been plagued with a vague restlessness.  Something is not quite right in my soul.  I have been reflecting on the past an awful lot.  I am actually naturally wired to be a reflector.  It drives my crazy, but it does have its advantages.  Usually, when I reflect on life and my past experiences, it helps me with the present, the here and now.  When I think about the toughest and most trying times in my life or about the poor decisions that I have made, it makes me catch my breath a bit, but it also makes me thankful.  Grateful that I have learned so much from "those" times and decisions.  The bad has helped shape the good.  And still there are regrets...they linger, they poke, they nag, boy, do they nag.

While reading with the monkeys today, we came across something that made me perk up my ears.  It came from a book called God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew.  In the book, there is a story told about how the natives in Indonesia catch monkeys in the jungle.  Here is an excerpt from the story:

"The natives know that a monkey will never let go of something he wants even if it means losing his freedom. So here's what they do. They take a coconut and make a hole in one end just big enough for the monkey's paw to slip through. Then they drop a pebble into the hole and wait in the bushes with a net. "

"Sooner or later a curious old fellow will come along.  He'll pick up that coconut shell and rattle it. He'll peer inside.  And then at last he'll slip his hand into the hole and feel around until he gets hold of that pebble. But when he tries to bring it out, he finds that he cannot get the paw through the hole without letting go. That monkey will never let go of what he thinks is a prize.  It is the easiest thing in the world to catch a fellow who acts like that."

This story resounded in my heart today.  I found myself wondering if the regrets that I hold on to are holding me back from freedom?  Like a monkey, I have a hold of that pebble and I just can't seem to let it go.  I wonder if the monkey were given another alternative, perhaps another pebble or a banana or something, if he would let go of that "prize" pebble he covets so and gain his freedom?  I have been given another alternative.  I know Christ and His love for me.  His sacrifice for me. I know that I am set free from those past decisions and choices that caused heartache.  Yet, there are times when I relapse into regret.  I just need to learn to let go of that pebble. Sometimes it's a daily struggle. 

And you, friends?  Are there "pebbles" that you have trouble letting go of?

Hugs, 

Melissa