Saturday, November 2, 2013

And That's How I Talked Myself Out of Jogging

Last night, at 10 PM, after consuming a Butterfinger (Actually it was about eight of those mini Butterfingers, which is roughly the equivalent of an actual full-sized Butterfinger.  Well, maybe the size of a king-sized Butterfinger.). Anyway, last night at 10 PM, I had this sudden urge to go jogging.  Truth be told, I hate jogging.  It feels weird.  It should be called jiggling not jogging, if you know what I mean.

So, why in the world was I craving a jog (Is it even possible to crave a jog?)?  Maybe it was the corn syrup coursing through my veins.  

By the way, shout outs to all my friends in the corn industry!  You know who you are, even if I don't.  You guys nailed it this Halloween season with the corn syrup!  The candy was off the chain! Right on!

Okay, back to the jogging urge. I had this whole inner dialogue thing going on.  As if, I was actually going to convince myself to do something that I hate doing...

Me:  I really feel like getting out tonight and jogging. Did I wash my black sweat pants?

Me: But, it is late and dark and maybe not the safest time to go jogging.  I need to wear something white so that people can see me in the dark.

Me: I don't have anything white or light to wear. I think that my black sweat pants are in Pete's drawer. Why do they always get put in the wrong drawer?  Little Monkey's drawers are totally unorganized.  I think that he needs some new long sleeve shirts.  Is he a size 5 or 6 now? He is really growing way too fast.  My baby is getting so big. It makes me sad. Don't be sad, you ninny, he is a happy, strong monkey boy.  I've got to order vitamins. 

Me:  I think, Pete has a white hoodie I can wear in his closet.  Oh, that's where the chili chocolate is stashed.  Chili chocolate always makes me happy.  Wait! I just had a whole regular  king-sized Butterfinger.  I definitely don't need more chocolate.  I'm the one who will need a new clothing size.  Okay, just one square of chili chocolate.  It's got all those antioxidants in it.  Good vitamins!

Me:  I need to order our vitamins.  What is today's date?  Do we set the clocks back this weekend?  Fall back, spring forward?  Or spring back, fall forward?  We need to fix the bullnose on the stairs so that the kids don't fall. 

Me:  Maybe I will go jogging in the morning.  I'll set the alarm for 7 AM and just get up and go.  I think that I will wear my shorts instead.  Where are all of my socks?  Should I set the alarm for 6:30 AM so that I can snooze a few times?  Did I set the house alarm? Did the dog get let out? Did the pets get fed? Are we running low on cat food?

Me:  I am kind of hungry. Or, am I thirsty?  Sometimes people think that they are hungry when they are really thirsty. Hunger and thirst are controlled by the hypothalamus.  What part of the brain is the hypothalamus located in?

Me:  Does Little Monkey play MindCraft too much? Is that bad for his brain development? I am glad that he wasn't a Creeper from MindCraft for Halloween.  It would be so awkward to tell people that your kid is dressed as a "Creeper".  Couldn't the makers of MindCraft have come up with a less awkward name for their character?  Ugh, we stayed up too late on Halloween. 

Me:  I am so tired right now.  Maybe, I should sleep in a little and go jogging before lunch tomorrow. 

Me:  I have got to go grocery shopping.  We are running low on food.  What should I make for dinner tomorrow night?  Should I plan out a menu for next week?  

Me:  I'll do that tomorrow after my jog.  Oh, poop!  I forget that I have a meeting in the morning. 

Me:  Maybe I will go jogging tomorrow night.  I need arch supports for my jogging shoes. 

Me:  I should not go jogging until after I get my arch supports.  I can pick those up next Tuesday at Track Shack.  No. I won't be on that side of town until Friday. 

Me:  Oh well.  I guess I will have to wait until next week to jog.  Did I go through all of the monkeys' candy to see if it is safe?  I wonder if they have any Kit Kats?  I could really go for a cheeseburger right now.



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