Thursday, June 27, 2013

To Our Daughter, the Camp Counselor - Ditch the Bread Crumbs, Use the Glitter Instead

Our eldest (or am I supposed to say oldest?) monkey girl is a camp counselor this summer.  At the end of this week, she will celebrate the half way point of camp.  We wanted to give her some encouragement and a little "taste of home", so we sent her a care package full of snacks, stuff for crafts, pictures, and letters from all of us, including the letter copied below.  I hope after reading the letter she doesn't get too weirded out.  We really do want her to come home.  

Hey There Sweet Cheeks!

We are sending you this care package for many reasons.  I will list them now:

1. So that if camp is too fun and you are even slightly entertaining the idea of becoming a permanent camper and never coming home, forget about it.  Because once you eat those chocolate chip, oatmeal cookies you will be begging to catch the next bus back to Orlando. Plus, I think that at the end of the summer if you don’t leave they may have you arrested for trespassing. Just a hunch, but I wouldn’t push it.  Just eat a cookie, okay?

2.  We love you, plus we like you too.

3.  To remind you that your real home is in the Sunshine State where oranges grow and orange blossom honey is made from orange blossoms by buzzy little helper bees. Your fake home is Georgia where they grow boring old peaches and their bees aren’t as cool.  I mean really, have you ever heard of peach blossom honey? No, didn’t think so.  Boom!

4.  I’m sure by now, that you are low on Vitamin C and Vitamins D, E, F, and G.  Plus iron and iodine.  Gummy Bears and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups should help. 

5.  If you don’t want to get lost in the woods, just bring the glitter that we are sending out hiking with you. Here’s what you do:  Sprinkle glitter along the trail that you are hiking on.  Then later, when you are making your way back to camp, the glitter will sparkle and shine and help you.  The only problem is that it might not show up very well in the dark, unless you use a flashlight.  But hey, it’s better than bread crumbs, or cookie crumbles or other such nonsense, because we all know that the birds eat those anyway. Plus, glitter is so way cooler and “sparkly” (sing song voice here) than bread crumbs any day. 

6.  Tea bags are included in this package because they are so versatile. Make tea with them, put them under your eyes to relieve any bags that you may develop from the lack of sleep due to homesick, flu sick or love sick campers, place them on bee stings (or is it blisters or bunions?), use them to freshen up your underwear drawer like mini potpourri sachets, but DO NOT use the honey vanilla chamomile tea bags for this purpose, otherwise you might attract bears.  They can sniff out honey from anywhere, even your underwear.  Just saying.

7.  Gum and lip balm are always useful.  McGiver always used these when he was in a pickle.  If you don’t know who McGiver is, don’t worry. It’s just another example of the generation gap.  Have you ever heard of Jordache jeans?  Never mind.

8.  The crayons and shells are little extra touches that you may or may not utilize.  You could decorate the shells with the glitter and give them to your campers as momentos of you, the girl who LIVES IN FLORIDA. It depends upon if you use all of the glitter when you are hiking or not. The crayons say they are non toxic, so I guess, in theory, you could eat them if, you run out of food or if you don’t like what they are serving in the mess hall.  Just don’t bring them out on the trail because they are made with bees wax, and bees make honey, and bears eat honey and they have a keen sense of smell.  

Love, hugs, kisses, and all that, 

Mom, Dad, and the Monkeys

How about you, friends?  Do you have kids away at camp?  Any camp stories to share from your childhood?  Let's gather round the proverbial campfire, make some microwave s'mores and swap stories.  The good news is, there will be no mosquitos to swat.  Maybe just a pesky internet ad or two. 



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